What I didn’t realise was, I had created this image in my head of an ideal mother, as if any deviation would make her a less of a mother. At 33, when I had my baby, I still thought I wasn’t ready to be a mother. Well we are never ready to take the plunge until we experience it ourselves. I guess it’s the pressure, the expectation, the fear and the apprehension that engulfs us and we feel we might fail at this.
My motherhood also brought a question to me, “What if I don’t become a good mother?” So, who is a good mother? Like most of us,I have been conditioned to the thought while growing up that a good mother is the one who forgets about herself, the one who puts her child before her, she forgets about her career, her choices, her freedom and her dreams. Because she is a good mother, her only duty is towards her child. I am far from being a good mother. Because I don’t stop dreaming on sleepless nights, some days I take care of myself more, some days I get engrossed in my work a little more. Does that make me a bad mother?
But who defines a mother as good or bad anyway? In the last one year I have tried to understand the definition of motherhood, my journey has just begun, but I can say the definition is, Love. Your parenting style might be different, but when you follow your gut, you end up doing what you feel is right for your child and for you as a woman. This quarantine has brought me closer to my child more than ever, I am able to spend more time with her, I am being able to witness her milestones, how she adapts to new things. But, I am also trying to love myself, find time for myself, to rest, to dream, to breathe and while doing all of this I have realised I don’t need to be perfect to be a good mother!